Good mom VS. Bad mom

For some time now I have been constantly working on myself, on my thoughts on my house and on many more things surrounding me. Some time ago, some situations and hurtful comments shooke me inside and I was a bit depressed and feeling so bad with myself that I let go of me and even though I was continuing with my life the best I could these words and situations were in my head until I said no more. I got free from what was having me so anxious and stressed and I immediately felt free. But it didn’t stop there, after this I had to go back inside myself and tell the truth to this lady (me) and build myself back up.

It has been a constant back and forth specially cause things keep happening, you know, life goes on. There is one thing that has kept me a bit sane through all this and is my relationship with God. If I go through something I always run to him in prayer and just pour myself there. If after praying I find peace in my heart then I know I’m in the right direction. If I still feel anxious or not settled then I know I should do something, like confront someone, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness even it has been years since something happened and so on. I have done it in the past cause I need my soul to be at peace and my mind to be healthy and my heart to be happy. This is the ‘secret’ to how I keep on going after bad things or unpredictable things happen to me. You can actually read back on my blog to see its not the first time I tell this stories about how God transforms situations in my life. Infertility and loss were part of them, I kept running to him for comfort and now I have 2 beautiful kids to raise and enjoy.

Relationships will always be hard. Sometimes we have chemistry and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we meet people who just are with use while they need us and sometimes we will meet a true friend. Depending on our own personality is how we take and handle this things.

Today after some other things happened around me and after already crying to God for help, and he sending me some reminders these past days I ran into this devotional from few days ago but the title got me mainly because of what I first told you in this post (the hurtful words/situations). Some of the things that have happened in my life for the past 2 years have made me feel and think I was a terrible person and I have doubted of my capacity to being a good mom to my children and I was walking after that in shame and doubt and was feeling so uncomfortable around other moms I consider are great and perfect or on playdates and almost avoiding them. It took work to know it wasn’t me, it was chemistry and characters and in some cases prudence. It took me going out of my comfort zone to find new situations where I could see it wasn’t me or my kids who were problematic or unloved but just unfortunate moments that happened. Still sometimes these words haunt me, but I go to my Lord to find comfort and repeat to myself that everything is OK.

Then I found this devotional I was mentioning and these paragraphs brought new healing to my heart.

As moms, I pray we’ll remember the truth of today’s promise in Ephesians 2:4-5, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved.”

God’s grace is always willing to step in. Not to excuse us from being more patient, organized or responsible. But it reminds us we’re doing better than we think we are. His grace says, “My love for you is great! Stop bouncing from feeling good to bad to good to bad. In the good times, rejoice and thank Me. In the not-so-good times, call out to Me quickly.”

With God we’re never a bad mom. We might be having a bad moment … or two … or 17. But a few bad moments do not define us.

God’s grace is there to cover us. Teach us. And even in the middle of a bad moment, interrupt us, redirect us and change us.

Forgiveness is there.

Love is there.

A second chance is there. And then another one after that.

You are a good mom, my friend … even if, like me, you’ve had a few bad moments … you are the exact mom God knew your children needed. Let’s live in that truth today.

Isn’t it amazing how God works. He knows how to repair our hearts. He knows what we need on time. He won’t let his children sink in destructive thoughts or believe lies others tell. Cause all it matters is how He sees us and how He is working on us. Bad moments don’t define me. He uses those bad moments to refine me. I’m a better person and mom because of all that has happened to me these past year and a half. I know now how to identify people who are better suited company for me. I know how to listen to my kids when they don’t feel comfortable and avoid unfortunate situations. I know I have to keep things to myself when it comes to parenting and raising my kids. And that is another topic I would like to talk about in other post in the future. I have learnt so much in this time I have to remind myself out of all this bad came something so good and that’s what I stay with.

If you are a mom who is going through something that is shaking you, don’t feel alone. It’s gonna be OK. Go and look for the Lord, he has your back.

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